GETTING STARTED AT THE GYM WAS AN INTENSE INSECURITY EXPERIENCE.

One of the toughest things about going to the gym is simply getting started. For me personally my biggest insecurity of all was/is my arms. I have an issue quite regularly with fittings for shoots where people assume I am much skinnier than I actually am because my arms are freakishly tiny. I can’t do a push-up or a pull up and when I was younger I had a very strong core, (which I lost and am working on getting back) but still no arms at all. I was always bad at sports and looking back, throwing so much as a baseball took a lot out of me. It’s silly to some people, but hard for me. Embarrassing confession: I used to tell my teacher I needed to use the bathroom during gym class, and when I went, I would just cry. Or I would do what everyone else did and say I felt sick or forgot my gym clothes. But that only works so many times right?

When I moved out on my own (at 16 years old) one of the biggest challenges was lifting grocery bags, walking home with them was brutal, but I slowly got better at it. Then, when I was finally determined to go to the gym there was over a year I could only lift a 5 pound weight because I was insecure about judgement and didn’t want to try harder and look like a fool. I always felt like everyone was looking at me and I was embarrassing myself. So I would work out time to time at home, but felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. When I decided to force myself to go to the gym more and got a trainer I was still a total wimp. My trainer would give me heavier weight and I would pretend I couldn’t lift it because I didn’t want her to see me make embarrassing faces or make horrible noise. I got over that with time but I really had to psych myself out. It was kinda funny because I was modelling and feeling good about myself but the moment I was out in a situation where muscle was needed, I was such a coward and didn’t want anyone to see me.

These days I get a lot of compliments on my abs and my booty game, but honestly those have been pretty easy in comparison to my arms. (Not saying it has been easy, lol, just in comparison)

Also, I had an ass to begin with, it’s just looking more firm and perky these days. So, I received a comment on one of my previous Instagram posts below this photo:

Something along the lines of “you won’t get gains with a 5 pound weight” – This comment was not meant to make me smile, obviously, lol, but it really really did. Why? Well, first of all that is a 10 pound weight featured in that photo 😄. I purchased that weight when I had upgraded from a 5 pound to a 7.5 pound weight at the gym and was thinking it wouldn’t be long until I could do 10. 💪🏻 Every chance I got to try and curl it at home I would, and then one day I could and I was so happy. I know it’s not a lot to some people but the point here is that it really really is for me. Now when I’m at the gym I go for the 15 pound weight but when I attempt to curl it, my arm is not ready. At this moment I’m playing with 12.5lbs, so I think it’s time for me to buy the 15 🤓👍🏻😜. Before you know it I’m going to have a full weight rack at home. 😅

I’ll post a photo of the 15 pound weight when I buy it, leave the 💪🏻😜 emoji’s in the comments to reference back to this blog, I’ll know you read it. I’ll be sending you hearts back ❤️💛💚💙💜💖

This is the most random blog for me I know, I’m not a fitness model and I don’t make workout videos, most people assume I have no body issues, but this is what was on my mind and I wanted to share it. I’m certain there are people at home reading this and getting a laugh out of the fact that I once struggled to lift 5 pounds, but these days I just roll my eyes at that. 🙄

Over time I’ve learned to stop giving a shit what people on social media or at the gym think. As a matter of fact I am the biggest gym troll ever. In between workouts I dance, I sing, I make faces, I take pics of myself in the mirror, I check out my tiny arms and go “YEA VERA!” – I LOOK LIKE A NUT CASE, I probably embarrass the friends I have with me, but I don’t fuckin care 😂. #SorryNotSorry – Not giving a shit is exactly what has allowed me to get better. If it hurts and I need to grunt to get through, I no longer feel embarassed or run to the womans center. If singing the song I’m listening to out loud gets me pumped, that’s what I do. If I need to dance and feel the music to get more into the workout, I’m gunna do it like nobody is watching. I’m comfortable, I’m proud of myself and I have no fuckin shame 😂. Let me just tell you that I really believe the hardest part of working out for a beginner is the thought of people judging you, but once you let it go and grow past that you win. 

We all gotta start somewhere right? I’m allowing myself to grow, I’m working hard, and I am so proud and motivated. 

Shout out to those who have seen me acting a fool at the gym and actually smiled because of it. I’m glad there are people in this world who can laugh in a manner of enjoyment instead of judgement.

Anyways, that’s all I wanted to say. 

🖖🏻 💋 – VB

7 Comments »

  1. That was me as well. I would find that I could barely go up one flight of stairs without holding my chest and gasping for air. Motivation is everything. Once your mind is ready for the gym, your body will be. Keep looking for inspiration, it will make your life a happier and more energetic one.

    Like

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